Early Evening Sitting Meditation
All week was so hard for me. My pig died. My husband behaved in ways that made me feel even more afraid, alone and despondent. I started hurting myself again. It was just too much. I have asked for help five months ago. I only wanted two things: competent psychotherapy for my husband and psychological assessment for myself. It has been five months now and there was still no progress. Those are not unreasonable demands.
At least, I have a very good psychotherapist. I work hard on getting better. But I could not sustain my progress because things around me have not changed much. So I try to get help changing things around me. But it is taking too long getting good help. I was treated badly by the hospital that was supposed to organize my psychological assessment.
I stayed in the garden until it started getting dark. I have peace inside of me at the moment. When I am severely dysregulated it is hard to think about doing this. I can't do this when I am severely dysregulated. I was able to reduce dysregulation by eating on my own. I should remember the protocol of reducing dysregulation. Mindfulness cannot stop severe emotional and behavioral dysregulation.